All the twitter is about all the rash of reports of random number generators crashing — in at least one case setting a woman’s hair on fire during her passage through border security. She was positively identified by a tooth found in the ashes. A spokesperson for Homeland Incorporated says that the incident is under investigation, but that, knock on wood, no government personnel were harmed during the filming.

Could it happen to you? And when it does, will you be ready?

Here’s the low down on upping your chances of living out this bug:

• Jump-start the diesel generator in accordance with the least square law.
• Top up all superfluids in the rear end of the cosmic ray scintillator.
• Throw salt over your shoulder when you sneeze at the table.