Category Archives: Royal Household

General Savage

Are you done?

His military career ended when he sunk a submarine in the Bishops bed, as they say below decks. He was busted to lawns corporal, then buck pirate, and when he finished the paperwork he was an unlisted number. That was Bishop Hatto’s last party before he was devoured by rats.

How Hippasus the Pythagorean perished

Five was the number of Love (uniting Two, was also the symbol of Health (Hygeia) and Harmony?” With female, number, and Three, the first odd, male, number); I it the Pentad or Five was associated its geometrical symbol, the Pentazram or Pentalpha (five interlinked A’s). And a passage of Lucian (“On Slips in Greeting”) informs us that the pentagram was the secret sign of brotherhood between the Pythagoreans.? The importance of this symbol and of the constructions related to it, all based on the Golden Section, and kept jealously as the most important mathematical secret of the Fraternity, is underlined by a reference in Iamblichus (Life of Pythagoras) : “Hippasus who was a Pythagorean but, owing to his being the first to publish and write down the construction of the sphere from 12 pentagons (the construction of the dodecahedron), perished by shipwreck for his impiety, but received credit for the discovery, whereas this really belonged to HIM (Pythagoras).” Hippocrates of Chios is reported to have been expelled from 1 The students of the Chinese Pa-Kua or Fight Magic Trigrams, will recognise an identical conception, curiously justified by the modern theory of Chromosomes and Genes.

If Five was the Number of Love, Seven was the Virgin Number. We have seen that the he dumperot be divided into seven parts by a rigorous Construction. A neo-Pythazorean manuscript of the French “Bibliothèque

Nationale” states? “g revie vanos. o êxtra raedévos.” This is confirmed the Scholium 609 to Aristophanes’ Clouds.

Androgyne and the furry loin

Said Androgyne to All Ears his pet

These few words were found with his domains.

Young king tut had a hole in his butt but died besides his nighty. Heard a commotion outside, thought it was the neighbours stewing in their hot tub but was just the wind. Surprise inspection in the locker room.

The news spread to take coriander for the coronavirus it was the moment coriander’s been waiting for, hiding in the shadows of aloe vera in the way things juice to be.

There’s a twin convention in town and all the best twins are coming from all around. No triplets are allowed but quadruplets can count as twin twins and the winners got an audition at Gander Bay but while waiting for astreetcar they were struck by an icebox falling out of an upper story.

At the inquest the prosecutor read out entries from Sil and Sows facebook page and they had a dossier from Google with all the evidence needed. The jury responded on Twitter via their virtually private network.

There is a way out there that does things to people there’s a way out there there’s a way out there there is a way out there the computer will lot not let me say that there’s a way out there it will it is not there’s a space they space out there that does things to people but but but what what they might do to me I don’t know what if they find me what do you say no what I’ve been thinking oh no no no no I wasn’t thinking of that and I don’t know I don’t even know who they are those the days those that days those space there’s space just those

The Spas of the World

Odd jobs for your phonograph

In his grand tour to seek solace for what he deemed his preternatural itch, Panurge visited the spas of the world . Under the patronage of Pantagruel, his entourage comprised Xenomanes the navigator, Canute the archbishop of Cannes, Broomhilda the matriarch of Brest, Walloon of Bedford Stryversant the countdown of Monty Cristo, Jasper John the planter of seedy evacuations, and the farmer who shall remain nameless whose brother had just died. Not to mention the concubines and dancing girls.

Words of the High One

They all want the same thing Santa, my ironing table

As the official organ of the department in charge of the security of the fatherland, mother fucker, we have been assigned the credentials by good god almighty — bow you head and bless yourself — to root into your fundamentals, just to see if there are any hints of deviation. 

First off we would like to sound out your frequencies. Could you hum along to this recording of the dispatch of the tattooed man by the hairy woman.

Watch what the webcam shows. He was first on the scene and on her like an amoeba. “If you can’t join ’em, lick ’em,” he said, half in jest, but half not. Join ’em with an em dash and an en space. Lick ’em lickety split, first across the post.

As you may be well aware, all the serious critics of our project have disappeared. We make no bones about it, they were but small potatoes. Those who rooted around have also disappeared. Are there any further questions?

He was busted looking at dirty pictures. He chanced upon the girlie magazines in the gutter outside the maternity ward. He who jeopardized his family jewels now seeks a handout. 

The Song of the Wayfarer

By John Donne

GO and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil’s foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy’s stinging,
            And find
            What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be’st born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return’st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
            And swear,
            No where
Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find’st one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet;
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet,
Though she were true, when you met her,
And last, till you write your letter,
            Yet she
            Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.

Harry Nape

Harry Nape in his role as Sebastian Cabbage, discoverer of the gondola. The Lady of the Peaks consoles him on his loss of copyright.

Harry Nape was born this day in the year of our Lord. He made his fortune in barbers’ shears. His latter years were consumed by his mania to create a robotic barber. His ideas were based on vacuum cleaner technology. Testing on a volunteer sample in Saudia Arabia showed some shortcomings. After consulting the standard texts on phrenology, Nape developed the model that we know today.

Socrates’ nose

Socrates’ nose
Socrates chambers a round while Plato’s old lady loosens her garter,

Socrates was born ugly.  Many sources attest to his awkward physical appearance, and Plato more than once makes reference to it (Theaetetus 143e, Symposium, 215a-c; also Xenophon Symposium 4.19, 5.5-7 and Aristophanes Clouds 362).  Socrates was exophthalmic,  his eyes bulged out of his head and were not straight but focused sideways.  He had a snub nose, which made him resemble a pig, and many sources depict him with a potbelly.

Pope to blame for World Youth Day sewage disaster

Thirty thousand litres of raw sewage flooded the basement of the Domo Furniture Emporium during World Youth Day last July. Seven thousand portable toilets were emptied en masse after the final mass by the Pope. The mass attracted 800,000 pilgrims, and was conducted on land owned by the Department of National Defence. As is usual in military and religious inquiries, the task of assigning blame is complex. But a committee of elders has put the onus on the Pope him-or-her-self, and imposed a fine of a hoghead of holy water. In default, five qubits of upstream unction.