A man went over the mountains to look for himself. On the other side of the mountain, he mated with a woman looking over a cliff.

Groundhog Day is known to have its roots in the behavior of badgers in Germany. In some German-speaking areas, however, the foxes or bears were seen as the weather prognosticators. When the behavior of the bear was considered, the belief was that the bear would come out of his lair to check whether he could see “over the mountain.” If the weather was clear, the bear would put an end to hibernation and demolish his lair. If it rained or snowed, however, the bear would return to his lair for six more weeks.

We’ve been asked by the highest authorities in Christendom to reenact some of the more common everyday garden variety sutras, sprinkled with a few saucy outliers, from the Good Book, in accordance with the laws of our ancestors as has been laid under the seals of Good God Almighty, Jesus H. Christ, and the Ghost in the Machine, whose feast day is coming up June 12.

Let’s see what our next contestant has to offer. Don’t be surprised if it’s someone you used to know.

Our first question. If your pants are bulging and your mind’s in the netherlands, where are you at? A clue: It’s not in a continent.

If you answer this correctly, you’ll get the chair. In the big house. The chair of divinity. At Saint Mary’s school for wayward children, comedians missing from the funny farm – one held the bottle between his legs as he reached for a scrap of chocolate – side-show rejects, and tools of the capitalistic state.

I owe to the Honourable Roger North a gloss on sabinically — that it was a Northism meaning conceitedly, after the proverb of Festus, that “the Sabines dream what they will.”

This spurred my search for Festus Shakesword, the person who had to dream what he will, and was then held in the grip of death by the hero who sowed the seeds that undermined the Sabines.

As for Festus, his comment on the proverb “Sabuni quod volunt somnians” was badly mutilated by Gnaeus Gellius in fragment number seven.