Author Archives: Xenomanes

Androgyne and the furry loin

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Said Androgyne to All Ears his pet

These few words were found with his domains.

Young king tut had a hole in his butt but died besides his nighty. Heard a commotion outside, thought it was the neighbours stewing in their hot tub but was just the wind. Surprise inspection in the locker room.

The news spread to take coriander for the coronavirus it was the moment coriander’s been waiting for, hiding in the shadows of aloe vera in the way things juice to be.

There’s a twin convention in town and all the best twins are coming from all around. No triplets are allowed but quadruplets can count as twin twins and the winners got an audition at Gander Bay but while waiting for astreetcar they were struck by an icebox falling out of an upper story.

At the inquest the prosecutor read out entries from Sil and Sows facebook page and they had a dossier from Google with all the evidence needed. The jury responded on Twitter via their virtually private network.

There is a way out there that does things to people there’s a way out there there’s a way out there there is a way out there the computer will lot not let me say that there’s a way out there it will it is not there’s a space they space out there that does things to people but but but what what they might do to me I don’t know what if they find me what do you say no what I’ve been thinking oh no no no no I wasn’t thinking of that and I don’t know I don’t even know who they are those the days those that days those space there’s space just those

Of Peas and Ham cum Commento

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Of Peas and Bacon cum Commento

Mr. Hamstead, in the 8th Volume of his useful Collections, tells us, the vessels were very good made at Fulham, but all flat, the Difficulty in making a hollow Dish was thought insuperable, because it must be burnt to that Degree, that the Heat of the Fire made the Sides fall: But this ingenious Christian surmounted the Difficulty, and hath many Years ago actually made several very delicate Pots of English Materials.

In the glaze were wrought A Skeleton in Metal; it is well done, but only to the short Ribs. Venus and Cupid in Wax-work. A Sort of Bachus, or Antick, pouring out Liquor, with a Bull’s Head betwixt his Thighs, or perhaps a Rams, relating to some Local Custom, like that of a Flitch of Bacon at Dunmoe in Essex: It is of Wood, and hath in old Characters Belly merry In a different script. The History of Joseph of Arimathea’s entombing our Saviour, whose emaciated Corps is very well represented in the Winding-sheet.

Liquid Carbolic

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He had an uncanny feeling that he would wind up at the cannery, and on the odd chance that he would turn up in the chancery, he laid down his treasures in heaven. His debts he sent to hello operator, get me Memphis on the line. 

Something that is perfectly legal today in our forwarded society, but was frowned upon in the unforgivable ignorance of the past, is to blame our woes on the bible. But still, you cannot criticize the bible. You will die the next day in a freak accident. It’s been proven — make the experiment, if you’re man or woman enough. If you lose, who’s going to mourn one less enemy to our way of life, except your family, who by the way have also been eradicated?

But let us speak of lighter things. Of dry ice, of Legs Diamond, air reduction, bromine.

There is a hypothesis that the word naptha is connected with the name of the Indo-Iranian god Apam Napat, which occurs in Vedic and in Avestic; the name means “grandson of (the) waters”, and the Vedas describes him as emerging from water golden and shining “with bright rays”, perhaps inspired by a burning seepage of natural gas.

Upper Gonads

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The Upper Gonads, also known as the Ovaries of Cyprinus

The plurality of the Upper Gonads is two. To the south you have the Balls of Peen and north across a strait is Saint Mary’s Muffin. 

The current through the strait feeds fertile spawning grounds,visible from space.

The ancient geographers were ignorant of these islands, although Ptolemy may have referred to them in a contested passage in the Almagest: “Both of these gametes are haploids”.

The gonads are to be confused with the Orkneys, visited by Pytheas of Massilia in 322 BC. The Roman geographer Pomponius Mela called those islands Orcades, as did Tacitus in 98 AD, claiming that his father-in-law Agricola had “discovered and subjugated the Orcades hitherto unknown” (although both Mela and Pliny had previously referred to the islands). Entomologists usually interpret the element orc- as a Pictish tribal name meaning “young pig”. Speakers of Old Irish referred to the islands as Insi Orc “islands of the young pigs”. These are not the Upper Gonads. 

The name “Orcas” is a shortened form of Horcasitas, or Juan Vicente de Güemes Padilla Horcasitas y Aguayo, 2nd Count of Revillagigedo, the Viceroy of Mexico who sent an exploration expedition under Francisco de Eliza to the Pacific Northwest in 1791. During the voyage, Eliza explored part of the San Juan Islands. He did not apply the name Orcas specifically to Orcas Island, but rather to part of the archipelago. In 1847, Henry Kellett assigned the name Orcas to Orcas Island during his reorganization of the British Admiralty charts.

Rules for a healthy life

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The open-faced sandwich doesn’t constitute closure under moist conditions and should be consumed in less than a bite.

Tarsands came in from the north looking for loose Janes in sterling condition. Mans and the armed, minted edition. Short run. 

On the Shepherdess to His Love

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Thou art to me more sweet 

than a thousand milligrams of synthetic sucrose

thou art to me more noble

than all the defrocked priests in Babylon

thou art to me more normal

than all the split infinities ever to collapse in this world or the next

thou art to me more natural

than  the bible

The Bloody Tower

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Sgt. Preston and Anne of Green Gables

Battling their way out of Lord Flogg’s fog in the Londinium Tower, Batman and Alfred, in a cab, and Robin in the Batmobile, head for Ffogg’s estate to rescue Batgirl. Ffogg and Lady Peasoup, discovering their lethal fog pellets are too stale to finish off Batgirl, go for a fresh supply and learn that Batman has entered the grounds. At the dungeon, Ffogg pushes Batman down the steps and throws the fresh gas pellets after him. Robin, meanwhile, has been bitten by a deadly bee, and Lady Peasoup instructs Prudence to take him to the girl’s dorm to die while they all go to the Tower of Londinium. Dispersing the lethal fog with Anti-Lethal Fog Batspray, Batman files away at Batgirl’s chains, and Ffogg, realizing he’s pressed for time, makes final plans for escape to Argentuela in a private plane.

Artichoke

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We all remember the legend of the naming of the artichoke. How Artemis was choked by baby Jesus, and from her eyeballs sprang the plant we in English call artichoke, and in Swahili is called Thumbelina’s Thistle.